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LOVE & RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is based on 30 years of counseling ministry, the source of his ideas. Reading this book, has brought many couples ‘light bulb moments’ during his years of ministry. Ephesians 5:33 is the basis for this book. As it is written, this feels to me like another ‘self-help’ book that proposes a solution to relationship problems in a marriage more from a psychological rather than biblical viewpoint.
Over the years, having listened to many couples with their marriage problems, I always came away with, “What this man and/or woman so desperately needs is repentance. A changed heart! A love for God and for others!”
I think the answer does not just lie in The Love She Most Desires or The Respect He Desperately Needs. Husbands and wives, indeed all humans, NEED BOTH - love AND respect for each other and from each other, but first of all for God! Reading all of Ephesians would be helpful and following it would be God pleasing. People need to see that both, males and females, need to be submissive to God and to each other. No human being is ever full of good-intentions – we are all sinners – born with self-centered, self-serving ways, however disguised we may present these intentions. Yes, even among people of faith.
Men and women are different! We are not from Mars or Venus! Men are not blue and women pink! We're not spaghetti and the other waffles! That’s not news to anyone! Our Creator made us male and female – totally, uniquely, obviously different from each other. And both need Christ who gives salvation full and free, the fruit of the Spirit, and wisdom to all who ask! He is the Source of our Love!
Speaking from a perspective of 43 years of a mutually respectful, tenderly loving and caring relationship, where both of us seek to do the will of the Father, I can only say that this book aims more to change people’s behaviors than their hearts. Only Christ can change a heart and with that, the heart of each marriage, and ultimately their behaviors towards one another.
As with any book, have a read to form your own opinion. This just happens to be mine – for what it's worth.
7 comments:
Hi Karin, I started to read this book quite some time ago and never did finish it. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what was wrong with it, but I knew something was. You have so eloquently summarized thoughts I was unable to put into words! Exactly my impression of the book as well - another self-help book. I love what you said: "Only Christ can change a heart and with that, the heart of each marriage, and ultimately their behaviors towards one another". So true! Thanks for a great post.
One of my favorite books on marriage. I use it in counseling and in my junior college course. Your review/discussion of it was very good.
I prayed to God to change me and understand I can only change myself.
When I did that he began to change too and each morning we thank each other for changing ourselves with God's help.
QMM
Beautiful, Karin. I totally agree that we all need love AND respect. I never had either in my first marriage ---but I certainly do in this one. Wooo--what a huge difference.
Thanks for sharing.
Hugs,
betsy
I did a Bible study a few years ago on this subject and the study referred to this book a lot. It really opened my eyes and has helped me have a better relationship with my husband.
Thanks everyone for your valuable input and taking the time to comment. Much appreciated!
I like the book, but I never TOTALLY like a book, if you know what I mean. Books are just men's opinions, no matter how good they are. The secret to reading any book is devouring the meat and spitting out the bones. (That's just my less-than-eloquent way of saying think about the good things and ignore the bad.)
You've hit the nail on the head: mutual submission. Isn't it amazing how many people miss that "mutual" part? And in doing so they've made the word "submission" into a bad one. Too bad, too, because God says it so plainly and with so much love and respect.
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