LOVE & RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is based on 30 years of counseling ministry, the source of his ideas. Reading this book, has brought many couples ‘light bulb moments’ during his years of ministry. Ephesians 5:33 is the basis for this book. As it is written, this feels to me like another ‘self-help’ book that proposes a solution to relationship problems in a marriage more from a psychological rather than biblical viewpoint.
Over the years, having listened to many couples with their marriage problems, I always came away with, “What this man and/or woman so desperately needs is repentance. A changed heart! A love for God and for others!”
I think the answer does not just lie in The Love She Most Desires or The Respect He Desperately Needs. Husbands and wives, indeed all humans, NEED BOTH - love AND respect for each other and from each other, but first of all for God! Reading all of Ephesians would be helpful and following it would be God pleasing. People need to see that both, males and females, need to be submissive to God and to each other. No human being is ever full of good-intentions – we are all sinners – born with self-centered, self-serving ways, however disguised we may present these intentions. Yes, even among people of faith.
Men and women are different! We are not from Mars or Venus! Men are not blue and women pink! We're not spaghetti and the other waffles! That’s not news to anyone! Our Creator made us male and female – totally, uniquely, obviously different from each other. And both need Christ who gives salvation full and free, the fruit of the Spirit, and wisdom to all who ask! He is the Source of our Love!
Speaking from a perspective of 43 years of a mutually respectful, tenderly loving and caring relationship, where both of us seek to do the will of the Father, I can only say that this book aims more to change people’s behaviors than their hearts. Only Christ can change a heart and with that, the heart of each marriage, and ultimately their behaviors towards one another.
As with any book, have a read to form your own opinion. This just happens to be mine – for what it's worth.