I recall a deeper, darker time years ago
and just felt like I needed to share
what I struggled with THEN,
in the hope that it would help someone
who is perhaps there right NOW!

Just remember:

God is faithful!
If the entire world should leave,
HE will never, ever leave you!
HE will supply your every need!


I came to Jesus all battered and worn
musty memories had my spirit quite torn
as they flashed from deep recesses,
causing such grief.
To examine the feelings and to find relief,
I had to look deeper than ever before,
shallow thinking would never get at the core.
Something had triggered what lay dormant for years!
It was foreboding, stealing joy, bringing tears.
Inwardly dreading what would be found there
I had suppressed it, fearing despair.

I had turned the other cheek, so why was I not free,
why were all these memories now tormenting me?
With a voice full of patience God said,
"Come child, it is best
to deal with this issue,
and then lay it to rest."
Gently He showed what I needed to see
responsibility for my reactions lay with me.
His Holy Spirit then showed me at length
what I never faced up to in my own strength.
It was only His grace that helped me to see
that my sins were no different,
even though I thought them to be.
For the revulsion I had hidden deep in my heart,
for the resentment with which I didn't part,
for thinking,
"I'd NEVER sin & do what was done to me,"
of such pride and arrogance
I had thought I was free.
I'd thought God should work on the sins of the others, instead
with infinite love and tenderness in His eyes He said,
"In my own time I'll deal with him.
You, go, sin no more!
Vengeance is mine
and I'll settle the score!"

With tears of relief I abandoned the whole
sorry mess, and gave Him all control.
I released the deep anger, finally let it all go!
My sins too were like scarlet,
now, white as pure snow!
My Father in Heaven has forgiven me!
My pain held me blinded and I couldn't see
the fullness of LOVE which He had for me!

Karin Ristau

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