HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES

Received this in an E-mail today and thought you'd like it!

  • You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish...
  • I wondered why the base ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  • To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
  • When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
  • The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
  • A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
  • The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
  • A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
  • A will is a dead giveaway.
  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  • A backward poet writes inverse.
  • In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
  • A chicken crossing the road, poultry in motion.
  • If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner...
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  • You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
  • A calendar's days are numbered.
  • A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. ('Taint none of it mine lately!!)
  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  • When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
  • When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
  • Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
  • Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
  • Acupuncture: a jab well done

5 comments:

Cathryn said...

Well, those were good for a laugh. Pretty cute. Thanks for sharing. Lord Bless, Cathy

Karabeth said...

These are great! I had a good laugh!

Anonymous said...

SOOO FUNNY!!!

:) :)

Sandy said...

Just wanted to stop by and thank you for your comment today on my Internet Cafe Devotion. I appreciate the wisdom that only years walking by God's side can bring. I look forward to that. :)

Blessings,
Sandy Cooper
www.godspeakstoday.blogspot.com

Cairo Typ0 said...

Those are too funny!! :)