HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES

Received this in an E-mail today and thought you'd like it!

• You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish...
• I wondered why the base ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
• A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
• A chicken crossing the road, poultry in motion.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner...
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. ('Taint none of it mine lately!!)
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done